Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
