Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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