Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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