I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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