So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
