fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
