My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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