Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
