You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
