so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
