I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
