My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
