apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
well you can't waste a boner
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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