I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
