I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
