Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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