i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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