you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
