I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
