I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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