wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
