i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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