I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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