things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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