Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
