Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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