We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The Olympian is in my bed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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