I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
