And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize