stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
