i permit you to call me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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