end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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