May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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