hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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