i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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