drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
