I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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