I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize