I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
