Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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