Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
