I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
