just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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