i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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