This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
