can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
