Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize