Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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