Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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