hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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