You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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