I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
