I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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