I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
