You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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