that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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