I want to have your abortion
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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