I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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