I am spending my child support on dildos
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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