One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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