I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
