she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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