Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
