guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize