i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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