she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
