It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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