So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
