i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
